Lois: I'm having the worst day at work today
Lois: I need to vent to someone who isn't involved
Autumn: What do you do again?
Lois: I can't really talk about that
Lois: There's a lot of proprietary info involved
Autumn: No, I mean, what's your job title?
Lois: "Administrator"
Autumn: What do you administrate?
Lois: I don't, that's just the usual title for my tier
Autumn: What's your tier?
Lois: Look, I really can't talk about that
Lois: I just want to complain about what happened today
Autumn: You can't even tell me what you do there!
Lois: The details aren't important
Lois: I'll put it in terms of a metaphor
Lois: OK, imagine you're a lumberjack
Autumn: I'm imagining the lumberjack song.
Lois: And you need to cut down some trees, but they have to be the right trees
Autumn: From Monty Python.
Lois: Sure
Lois: The point is, your boss was supposed to tell you which tree to cut down
Lois: But he only said "cut down the birch tree," and there are three of those in your area
Autumn: I think lumberjacks cut down lots of trees.
Autumn: They're not spending lots of time picking out one tree.
Lois: I used to, but the regulations now say it has to be one at a time
Lois: Anyway, you ask another lumberjack which birch tree it is
Lois: And all he says is "the one with the branches"
Lois: So I said "Um, Kevin, they all have branches"
Lois: "I guess that's true, but I got a memo that says we're supposed to cut down the birch tree with branches"
Lois: "That doesn't make any sense!"
Lois: "It's what the memo said"
Lois: So I tried to get a copy of the memo myself
Lois: Because Kevin lost his copy somehow
Lois: And it turns out it said to cut down the birch tree with five branches
Lois: Which would actually make some sense
Autumn: Can you try rephrasing the memo thing so it fits with the metaphor better?
Lois: I already am, the real thing wasn't a memo
Lois: Anyway, then imagine you get out your chainsaw and go back to the tree place
Autumn: The forest.
Lois: No, I had to do this in, hm, let's see
Lois: Okay, let's say this part is in an area that used to be for lumberjack training exercises
Lois: But that a couple months ago some real trees started growing in it, and now a lot of the lumberjacking happens there instead of in the forest itself
Autumn: That doesn't make sense, but sure.
Lois: Then you realize you brought the wrong chainsaw
Lois: It's the one you use to cut down maple trees, not birches
Autumn: How many chainsaws do you have?
Lois: Four or five
Lois: Depends on how you count them
Lois: So you go back to get the right chainsaw
Autumn: Wait, is whatever the chainsaw represents an actual heavy physical object?
Lois: No
Autumn: Is there a reason you can't just carry them all with you?
Lois: That's not the point, it's just an analogy
Autumn: I mean, why do you have to go back for the other one?
Lois: I can't talk about that
Autumn: Can you explain it through metaphor?
Lois: The metaphor is that they're big heavy chainsaws!
Lois: And also that if there are too many of them in the tree area at once, the chainsaw factory can't make new chainsaws
Autumn: Um
Lois: So you get the right chainsaw, you go cut down the birch tree with five branches
Lois: And you bring it to your boss
Lois: Sounds fine, right?
Autumn: Yes, glad everything ended up going well.
Lois: Wrong!
Autumn: I'm shocked!
Lois: Because it turns out there was a typo in the memo, and it was supposed to say the maple tree with five branches
Lois: And that's why you had the wrong chainsaw
Autumn: ...
Autumn: The chainsaw knew the memo had a typo?
Lois: The person who gave you the chainsaw did
Autumn: But he didn't tell you when you went back to get the birch chainsaw?
Lois: It's not just one person
Autumn: So did you ever cut down the right tree?
Lois: Yeah
Lois: I even did it twice, because I was so frustrated
Autumn: How do you cut down a tree twice?
Lois: Sorry, that doesn't make sense
Lois: Imagine cutting down a tree, then being worried the stump turned out too ragged
Lois: Because you get kind of OCD when you're stressed
Lois: Then you turn on your chainsaw again, set it to a higher cutting speed, and slice a small section off the top of the stump
Lois: So that you leave it cut off more neatly
Lois: But it still produces as much lumber as cutting the tree down the first time
Autumn: And this is all in high heels, suspenders, and a bra, right?
Lois: No, you forgot to wear your bra to work
Autumn: How the fuck did you forget your bra?
Lois: I didn't! It's a metaphor!

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