Lois: I'm having the worst day at work today Lois: I need to vent to someone who isn't involved Autumn: What do you do again? Lois: I can't really talk about that Lois: There's a lot of proprietary info involved Autumn: No, I mean, what's your job title? Lois: "Administrator" Autumn: What do you administrate? Lois: I don't, that's just the usual title for my tier Autumn: What's your tier? Lois: Look, I really can't talk about that Lois: I just want to complain about what happened today Autumn: You can't even tell me what you do there! Lois: The details aren't important Lois: I'll put it in terms of a metaphor Lois: OK, imagine you're a lumberjack Autumn: I'm imagining the lumberjack song. Lois: And you need to cut down some trees, but they have to be the right trees Autumn: From Monty Python. Lois: Sure Lois: The point is, your boss was supposed to tell you which tree to cut down Lois: But he only said "cut down the birch tree," and there are three of those in your area Autumn: I think lumberjacks cut down lots of trees. Autumn: They're not spending lots of time picking out one tree. Lois: I used to, but the regulations now say it has to be one at a time Lois: Anyway, you ask another lumberjack which birch tree it is Lois: And all he says is "the one with the branches" Lois: So I said "Um, Kevin, they all have branches" Lois: "I guess that's true, but I got a memo that says we're supposed to cut down the birch tree with branches" Lois: "That doesn't make any sense!" Lois: "It's what the memo said" Lois: So I tried to get a copy of the memo myself Lois: Because Kevin lost his copy somehow Lois: And it turns out it said to cut down the birch tree with five branches Lois: Which would actually make some sense Autumn: Can you try rephrasing the memo thing so it fits with the metaphor better? Lois: I already am, the real thing wasn't a memo Lois: Anyway, then imagine you get out your chainsaw and go back to the tree place Autumn: The forest. Lois: No, I had to do this in, hm, let's see Lois: Okay, let's say this part is in an area that used to be for lumberjack training exercises Lois: But that a couple months ago some real trees started growing in it, and now a lot of the lumberjacking happens there instead of in the forest itself Autumn: That doesn't make sense, but sure. Lois: Then you realize you brought the wrong chainsaw Lois: It's the one you use to cut down maple trees, not birches Autumn: How many chainsaws do you have? Lois: Four or five Lois: Depends on how you count them Lois: So you go back to get the right chainsaw Autumn: Wait, is whatever the chainsaw represents an actual heavy physical object? Lois: No Autumn: Is there a reason you can't just carry them all with you? Lois: That's not the point, it's just an analogy Autumn: I mean, why do you have to go back for the other one? Lois: I can't talk about that Autumn: Can you explain it through metaphor? Lois: The metaphor is that they're big heavy chainsaws! Lois: And also that if there are too many of them in the tree area at once, the chainsaw factory can't make new chainsaws Autumn: Um Lois: So you get the right chainsaw, you go cut down the birch tree with five branches Lois: And you bring it to your boss Lois: Sounds fine, right? Autumn: Yes, glad everything ended up going well. Lois: Wrong! Autumn: I'm shocked! Lois: Because it turns out there was a typo in the memo, and it was supposed to say the maple tree with five branches Lois: And that's why you had the wrong chainsaw Autumn: ... Autumn: The chainsaw knew the memo had a typo? Lois: The person who gave you the chainsaw did Autumn: But he didn't tell you when you went back to get the birch chainsaw? Lois: It's not just one person Autumn: So did you ever cut down the right tree? Lois: Yeah Lois: I even did it twice, because I was so frustrated Autumn: How do you cut down a tree twice? Lois: Sorry, that doesn't make sense Lois: Imagine cutting down a tree, then being worried the stump turned out too ragged Lois: Because you get kind of OCD when you're stressed Lois: Then you turn on your chainsaw again, set it to a higher cutting speed, and slice a small section off the top of the stump Lois: So that you leave it cut off more neatly Lois: But it still produces as much lumber as cutting the tree down the first time Autumn: And this is all in high heels, suspenders, and a bra, right? Lois: No, you forgot to wear your bra to work Autumn: How the fuck did you forget your bra? Lois: I didn't! It's a metaphor!
Back to logs index page