For your birthday, I'm going to give you a Tarot reading!

Except, here's a problem. My Tarot deck has a bunch of minor cards that don't look very important. Not sure why you'd want something like "the seven of cups." Probably it'll be best if I ignore those and just use the Major Arcana.

All right, so, first card- No, wait. I already named this puzzle after this card, and even put a picture of it up there, so it would be wrong to use it again. Let's set that one aside.

And actually, I want to take out these two cards too. They're too confusing, because the Rider-Waite deck swapped their numbers from how they go in the traditional ordering.

This word can be spelled with or without the E in the middle; that's bound to lead to confusion too. I'll save you some copyediting work and just remove its card from the deck.

You know, I want this to be a fun, safe reading, so I'd better also take out the card that's the antagonist in the old puzzle game Fool's Errand. And the one associated with the main antagonist in Stardust Crusaders.

I already removed a card that, if you remove the word "The" from it, is exactly the same as an action card in Dominion. It's only fair to remove the other card like that too.

All right, I think we're ready. No, wait. This card has a perfect number. Tarot should be about imperfections, I've just now decided. And this other one is both a popular game show and an old Magic card? That's a pretty unwieldy set of associations. They both need to go.

Next, I'll divide the cards into two stacks: one for the ones with prime numbers, one for the rest. Oh, hey, these stacks aren't quite even. Pretty close, though! Well, let's just get rid of the slightly larger one.

OK. Your first card is... Wow, no, this can't be right. Ignoring the article, this card's just an anagram of a kind of bean. That doesn't belong in the deck.

Speaking of anagrams, "hip Noh theater" is much too specific to be a good name for a Tarot card, even rearranged. I don't want that in the reading.

Hey, this one card has a number that's the same as the number of cards that will be left in the deck if I remove it! That's a clear sign that I should remove it.

Are there any cards left where the cards immediately before and after them were removed at the same time? If so, I might as well take them out too, since they came so close to getting taken out before...

We're finally ready to do the reading for real. I wonder what card you'll get first!